Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I can text with my tongue
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
