Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
