did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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