just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
