I am puke
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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