allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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