drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
