she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
