glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
