"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
