Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
