You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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