is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Are we still banned from the library?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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