Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
