Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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