Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
