fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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