Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
