mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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