I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
