I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
