So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
