1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
