something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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