I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
