Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
