GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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