It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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