i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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