addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize