allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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