glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
