if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
