Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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