When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
