Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Randomize
