...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You're like the curious george of whores
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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