My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I woke up under a house in Key West
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