You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize