You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
