i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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