"it" just moved
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
