We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I can't put those talents on a resume
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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