i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Is Oprah even human
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
