yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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