So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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