did you get engaged???
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
