She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i think i just lost a toe
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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