I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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