you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
