I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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