Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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