I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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