Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
