I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
