I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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