The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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