Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
