Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
