your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
