She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
