Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We left an ass print on the piano.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
