Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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