Pants 0. Shit 1.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
