saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
