matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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