omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
