i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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