I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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