The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
