its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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