Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
