I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
