Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
